I guess, irrespective of one’s level, being on the starting line of any race is a nerve racking experience. Some admit it some don’t. But being on the starting line of a race, knowing full well that you cannot improve your previous time is even more intimidating, which begs the question – “is this worth it?”
Right here, right now, I sincerely don’t know how to answer this question.
This year has been a year of mixed feelings – a knee injury has been hindering my progress, especially in the running segment, for some time and being hit by a car whilst cycling in preparation for a Half Ironman was certainly the cherry on the cake. The little progress I had registered throughout the year, literally flew away that June morning, which really makes you feel like just throwing the towel.
But then again I look at the positive side. I did manage to complete a Half Ironman in 7 hours 7 mins, which was above my expectations, especially when one considers the setbacks and lack of experience in this sport.
But then the small imaginary devil, sitting on my left shoulder, reminds me of my sprint races this year – far away from my personal best registered last year. It can be very disheartening to get to the finish line as one of the last competitors, irrespective of the encouragement friends give you. In reality most people only look at results and not the effort one makes to even be at that starting line.
The small imaginary angel, sitting on my right shoulder, tells me not to quit, but to keep the determination there. I love this sport, I love the adrenaline rush one gets when training. I love the sense of achievement you get after a hard training session.
Right now the angel and the devil are on an equal footing and am not sure whether I should stay or go…..time will tell I guess.
Mar as you well now I m not much of a good writer besides the fact that for sure i m not the right guy to give you advice, but I think on this one i might be able to share some feelings. When I did the sprint tri last season I had a 1.28 and the goal set for this year was a sub 1.20 which at that time was an easy target to achieve, made more realistic since I clocked a 1.20 on the first sprint tri of the season. So what's in it to shave off a minute.The plan was simple, use my summer holiday months were I can train when and how I want to target a PB and a sub 1.20 at the last race of the season. Things during summer as you well know turned out a bit different. I spent nearly 5 weeks in pain without being able to sleep or drive the car comfortably. To make things worse as soon as i recovered, I was sick for a week. So there you go. I found myself with the same dilemma you have. Throw the towel at least for this year ? As you said its not easy to watch everyone posting Pb's while you know well enough that the time on your watch at the end of the race will suck badly. In my case this injury was a deja vu of some time ago. When I used to be in the sailing national team I injured my shoulder few weeks before the qualifying races for the small nation games. That time round I not only lost the chance to take part in that event but I was so put of that I never returned to competition. Even nowadays, years after i still look at my sailing clothes and boat and think of what could have happened if I simply found the courage to face the waves again at that time. This is a sour memory I carry along in my bag of life experiences. A memory which comes handy in days like yesterday. What I m trying to point out is that it takes more to actually be on the starting line than actually the effort needed to do the race. It takes more effort to actually see the finishing line than to post a PB. Basically it takes more guts in these circumstances to simply be there than to actually place with the top athletes. Remember this sport is all about yourself, about who you are, what you feel, your emotions, your sweat, your heart, lungs and muscles. Yesterday I did 1.24..SHIT timing...so far away from what I had hoped...but yet again it was the nicest and most satisfying sprint tri I did till now. For me seeing the finishing line meant that I did not quit. For me that is valuable as much as a win. When I shock your hand in a funny way at the end of the tri I really meant it. I knew what you felt. But wtf...we were there anyway :) Yet I admit that for a few minutes I was angry at what happened to me this summer when I looked at my watch and saw 1.24 but than again, tri family is kind of cool and when Donatelle came round and without probably noticing she told me 'no one expected more from you today' she made me realize that, that was kind of true. At the end of the day we are the only ones who really know what is expected from ourselves and this is what probably keeps us going. Olympic distance ? ;)
ReplyDeleteMaria, life is a journey and sometimes we forget that to achieve success we need to invest time and a lot of patience in whatever we are aiming to succeed in. Even being a parent, which is something so common, differentiates from one person to another. When I hear Hollywood stars who have just become parents say that parenting is harder than their actual job, I wonder and then realize that they are saying so because parenting is so "natural" and taken forgranted, yet from my experience, I have realized that it's the quality of time you invest in the parenting that makes you succeed and feel fulfilled that you have done a good job (although no one ever gives you a certificate at any given time and most probably the acknowledgement will come when you are six feet under.) Same goes for everything else.
ReplyDeleteIn your case, I only just got to know you about a year ago and when you came in last in the Hellfire Challenge last year, I admired you so much for persevering. And I admired the people (and dog) who accompanied you part of the way to encourage you to finish. This is the beauty of these events - it brings out the humans in us. Yes of course there are times when other competitors shamefully forget all about fair play and put egoism before altruism but the occassions are few as opposed to the wonderful positive moments of everything else. People like you encourage people like me to give it a go and hence I have started swimming sessions. I think that at present you should concentrate on the fact that you ENJOY doing this sport. The PB's will be the cherry on the cake. Trying to improve your time and working with a coach to improve any technique you might lack will surely help, but then just focus on enjoying that adrenaline rush and the satisfaction of knowing that you challenged yourself and were present at the start and the finish line!
I know for sure that in time you will be there with the others and not at the end of the line and you will look at the ones coming last and give them the encouraging words "I've been there, you can do it!" "Go on a bit more and you're ready!"
When you stop enjoying it (which I doubt because you're a devil and you love pain and discomfort!)then you can throw in the towel and move on to something else. See you at the next one :)